Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
