At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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