Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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