Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
