first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
