Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
