HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
