I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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