I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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