He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
