batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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