I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
not ubering you a puppy
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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