things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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