i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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