Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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