you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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