If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
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Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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