It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
