Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
