Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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