Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
