I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Someone came in the potted fern
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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