I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Randomize
