he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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