Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
