Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
