do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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