First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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