Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
