I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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