So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
