PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
