And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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