I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
