help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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