If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
