In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
