I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
