i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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