i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
