Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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