is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
