Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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