Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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