I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
