Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
