i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
