He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
