Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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