I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
