The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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