the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
