Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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