I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
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I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
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My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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