hotel room ftw
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
