I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He did a backflip because drugs
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
