i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
