just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
3 2 1 whiskey
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
