I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Randomize
