I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize