Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
