I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
as a side note pls kill me
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