Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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