it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
