im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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