just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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