I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I will pee on everything he values.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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