Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
