I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it glows. i had to have it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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