Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
