worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
