well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
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I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
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I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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