ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
God gave him joint rollers for hands
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
