went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
