Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
