we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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