Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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