I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The beer is more important than you right now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
