grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Randomize
