i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
