The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
