Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize