Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it's like iHOP with fire
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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