What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
