I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
