PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
