I seem to have left my pride at pride
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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