At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
