once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
