That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
