During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
